And how many of them were positive?
It absolutely breaks my heart how many of us struggle with accepting our own beauty. We are quicker to tear ourselves down than any person who stands against us. For goodness sake, I went through a period where I avoided looking at myself in the mirror at school because I got tired of not liking what I saw. And there's a lot of mirrors in the girl's bathroom at Northridge to avoid.
Now I could go into a long explanation about how you are beautiful and how society's standard of beauty is un-achievable and unrealistic- both true- but you've heard all that before. So instead I wrote this to tell you the dangers that come with believing you're not beautiful and how I overcame them.
I really struggled with my self image in late middle school/early high school. I also struggled with bouts of depression and loneliness. In other words, I was not happy with myself. And that's where my focus was. On myself. It was all inward comparing myself to those "skinnier, prettier, better dressed, funnier, smarter..." You get the picture. But as a Christian that was all wrong. Beyond the unhealthy self image I had, my focus was in the wrong place. Our focus is supposed to be outward. How can I help impact the world? How can I be Jesus to those around me? But I was letting my insecurities get in the way of the opportunities God was placing in front of me to be the "salt and light." Instead of seeing how that girl was hurting or listening to what God wanted me to say to her, I was passing her up while tearing myself down in the process.
There's something really important that I want you to get here. The single greatest lie the devil can ever make you believe is that you are worthless. See, you are a precious treasure. But when you doubt the infinite value God sees in you, then you'll never fulfill the divine purpose he has for your life. And for girls this almost always starts by looking in the mirror and not being able to see the beauty written all over your face.
And it breaks my heart that there is generation after generation of women who have so bought into this lie that they're willing to starve their bodies to be "beautiful." That they're willing to spend dollar after dollar trying to buy beauty. That they've started to doubt their own worth. Well let me tell you something. Beauty is not measured in pounds. It's not something that can be bought and put on. It's something inside of us that radiates out into our actions, our smiles, our lives. Beauty- true beauty- is something that reaches out and affects others. It has the power to touch others and change their lives. Where our insecurities and believing the lie cause us to focus inward, beauty radiates outward.
See, there's something really important that happens when we believe we're not beautiful. The power is taken out of us. Women, I believe, were built strong and powerful. For starters we have the strength in us to handle childbirth and our uterus tearing itself down once a month. Joking aside though, when we truly believe we're not beautiful we deflate. Sure we may able to operate still, but are we operating at 100% capacity? No. But when we believe in our own beauty, a dramatic shift happens. We glow. All of that power and strength I was talking about earlier, God is able to harness and use.
So here's what I want you to get from this. Believing you are not beautiful is a lie. Pure and simple. Picture it as one of the devil's greatest weapons against you. He's going to use it to make you doubt yourself, to hurt your relationships, to affect your faith...because in all reality that's his goal. To tear you down. To break you. It's an all out war to twist your heart.
So what do you do in war? You arm yourself for battle. And the most powerful weapon is scripture.
So when the attacks come and you start to "fat talk" yourself, when you start to hate your body, when you start to compare yourself...battle Satan's lie with God's truth. And truth says that you were made in God's own image (Genesis 1:27). And God's image is perfect. Literally. Truth says you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Truth says that outer beauty is fleeting (Proverbs 31:30). And the thing that really matters, that really makes the difference is having a beautiful heart. It's what makes you beautiful no matter the size of your waist, the number of pimples on your face, or the year of your clothes.
And beyond that take a moment to change your focus to outward. Because chances are Satan's changing your focus to inward for a reason. He wants you to miss the opportunities. And changing our focus to outward can be very hard to do. You almost have to retrain the way your brain thinks because it's so different from the way our culture normally works. But we're called to be different (Romans 12:2), so no excuses! So here are some of the things I've done to shift my focus.
Every morning I've prayed for God to give me his eyes. I pretty much pray the lyrics of Brandon Heath's song. "Give me your eyes for just one second, Give me your eyes so I can see, Everything that I keep missing, Give me your love for humanity, Give me your arms for the broken hearted, Ones that are far beyond my reach, Give me your heart for the ones forgotten, Give me your eyes so I can see...." It's really a great prayer if you think about it. As Christians we're called to be Jesus to the world and you're starting everyday asking God that you can see the world as he does, that you can see those who need him, that you can see those opportunities. And when you start your morning claiming those opportunities are out there, you're going to start looking for them subconsciously.
Beyond that I will tell you that the switch isn't going to be automatic or last forever. It's an ongoing, continual process. There's going to be times when you want to shift inward, especially at the beginning. Think about it. You've spent almost your whole life developing this unhealthy habit and our culture is constantly pushing you back to it. It's like trying to quit smoking after 20 years and everyone is handing you a cigarette. Except the addiction is all happening in your brain. So it's going to take conscious effort to fight against it.
One book I'd highly recommend reading is Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers. (I have the teen edition). It helped me to realize that I have the power to control my thoughts, to fight the negative self image and push my focus outward. (You can read through the first chapter here.) One thing I started doing after reading the book was nipping my negative thoughts in the bud. In other words, as soon as one would come I would first hand those thoughts over to God and then pray for him to help shift my focus. And this is one of those things you'll probably end up doing a lot throughout the day. But that's how a new habit is created. You have to retrain your brain and make something new instinctive. But you can do it!
Remember this is war. But God is your shield.
Ephesians 6:10-18:
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people."
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